Sneakiest Ninja (dot) com: Because of a recent court order, Andre Maranhao will be joining us this evening as part of his community service. Hey, Andre.

 

 

SN: Andre, last time you were in this building, we found you in the supplies closet unconcious wearing a Captain America costume, clutching a bottle of Southern Comfort. How does it feel now to be back, and in much better circumstances?

 

AM: It feels great. Especially this chair--not only is is extremely comfortable, it's absorbant, which serves to that cup of herbal tea i just spilled on it.

 

SN: Aw, man...

 

AN: What makes this stay here even better is I was actually invited this time.

 

SN: Invited? [pause]. Moving on...Whatcha been up to? How you doing lately?

 

AM: Well, I'm glad you asked. I've been working on a genetically engineered plant of my own design. Here, have a look. [pulls out a plant]

 

SN: Andre, I'm afraid that's already called a "pine-apple".

 

AM: Damn! [throws it away]. No matter. My next invention is a remarkable glasses-cleaning solvent. [pulls out pair of glasses and an unmarked bottle. Begins to use liquid in bottle to clean lenses] You see, I've developed a solution that will make glasses so clear, that you can see through time with these babies. Here, try it out.

 

SN: [Puts on glasses] Oooo...the Battle of Gettysburg. But do you think that people will want to see slave-owners get shot while he or she reads their newspapers?

 

AM: There's a market out there...Anywho, onto my next invention.

 

SN: Damn it, Andre, it better not be a time-transcending monacle.

 

AM: [pause] Well, moving onto my next next invention: BAM! The Photo-Clock. [holds up irregularly shaped clock]. It tells time by taking pictues from the hour hand every once in a while. An internal processing unit observes the pictures, and based on what color the room is at the time, sends a message to the clock's hands, arranging them on the proper time. It only uses 6 D-size batteries for four un-interrupted hours of time telling. Here, take a look...

[powerful flash goes off. Clock beeps and hums loudly for several minutes. The hour and minute hands go stright to 2 o'clock.] See? It's two in the morning.

 

SN: It's 7 in the evening. And the room is lit with artaficial light. And it's night-time! Gimme that! [grabs contraption. Smashes it on ground] Now, do you have any inventions that won't waste my time?

 

AM: That WON'T waste your time? Sorry, no.

 

SN: Then this interview is cut off as of now. We expect a replacement chair within 72 hours.

 

AM: No, please! You gotta help me! Im low on cash, please buy one of my inventions--all of them! It doesn't matter.

 

SN: I could make those myself for free in less time than it'll take to kick you out of the building.

 

AM: I'm in a rut, here! I'm afraid than Nik Lampros will finally notice that those gold bars I sold him are fake. They're just bars of frozen lemonade, for crying out loud!

 

SN: Hey! the second you said 'hello' you signed a verbal contract which states that Sneakiest Ninja (dot) com is not responsable for any Lampros-related activities. Do you understand?

 

AM: He's gonna break my knees!

 

[recording suddenly cut off]]