"Listen, if I had pants, I'd wear them."--Scott

 

My Boss, Rich: See how sweet this flashlight is? Only people who win Acadamy Awards get one of these.

Me: How did you get it?

Rich (panicky): Shouldn't you get back to work?

 

"I'll fight anyone for the right amount of money."--Charles Barkley

 

Byron: Hey, on the last day of school, me and Taylor are gonna start a school-wide riot.

Me: How are you gonna do that?

Byron: Hey, shut up.

 

"Vouchers!! Millions of them!!"--Unknown, I heard it from my window

 

Student: Is there any way besides abstinence to be 100% safe?

Health Teacher: No.

Student: Fu--!

 

"Man, you guys are stupid."--Mr. Dawson, Math Teacher

 

Me: What is that thing?

Simon: I don't know, but it's going to kill us.

 

"A party, huh? Is there going to be beer and filet mignon?"--Mr. Dawson

 

'Listen, the only thing you're ever going to need to know in honors chemistry is that--Hey! Before They Were Rock Stars!"--Aidan, my sister, as she changes the TV to VH1.

 

"Not cool, man."--Christian, after Sylvester sprayed NaOH (Sodium Hydroxide, extremely powerful base) on his shirt.

 

"We're the most conservative prostitutes ever."--Some girl in my Latin class.

 

"I know what Gretzsky's gonna dress up as for Halloween: A girl...or a cat."

--Mr. Dawson, to his class, regarding one of his students.

 

"You kno wwhat you need? A beer."--My mom, to me.

 

"What the? Shirts? Documents? Cheez-It's? Where the hell's my sandles!?"--my sister Brenna, looking for something in a box.

 

"So Me and Nik are responsible for the enslavement of humanity?"--Alex, to which I answered yes.