Sneakiest Ninja (dot) com: No, no. It goes like, "let's ride, with the family down the street; through the, courtesy of Fred's two feet; When you're, with the Flintstones, have a--"

 

David Mock: Is that thing recording?

 

SN: Huh? what thing--Oh! We're rolling. Hey, everybody. The stars are out but David Mock is in. We appreciate the opportunity for this interview David.

 

DM: Well, anything for my fans.

 

SN: Fans? [pause] Oh, yeah, fans, right. Whatever. Well, let's get started. First of all, I'm going to have to ask you to give that bag of stolen electronics back.

 

DM: [nervous] Uh--What're you talking about? I'm afraid I don't know what you mean...

 

SN: Please, David, the bag is clearly labelled. At least try and be a little more clandestine about it next time.

 

DM: [sad] okay...

 

SN: Moving on, tell us a little about yourself.

 

DM: Well, like what?

 

SN: Oh, i dunno...do you like cows?

 

DM: A lot more than I like horses.

 

SN: How much do you like horses?

 

DM: A lot more than I like birds.

 

SN: How much do you like birds?

 

DM: A lot more than I like cats.

 

SN: How much do you like cats?

 

DM: A lot, LOT more than I like turtles.

 

SN: and how do you like turtles?

 

DM: meh, they're okay.

 

SN: Good, good...So, uh, tell us about your hopes and dreams and all that crap.

 

DM: It's funny you should ask, because I'm actually writing them all down.

 

SN: Really? a journal or something?

 

DM: An autobiography.

 

SN: ooo... even better. Is it finished?

 

DM: I just need to do the past 14 or 15 years and I'm done.

 

SN: I can hardly wait. What're you going to title it?

 

DM: I have some title ideas written down right here. [pulls out piece of paper]

 

SN: [reads] What the? "A Midsummer Night's Dave"? "Pride and PrejuDave"? "A Dave in the Life of Dave"? "To Kill a Mock"? How long did these take to think of?

 

DM: I also thought of calling it, "The Book of David".

 

SN: Nah, I think that's been copywright by God or something.

 

DM: Oh, man! There's no way I'm gonna win in a trial against him!

 

SN: You're gonna need a damn good lawyer.

 

DM: Well, I'm working on a film adaptation of whatever the book will be. The working name is, "The Mocktrix", and the epilogue will be, "The Mocktrix Re-David".

 

SN: The Wachowsky brothers must be spinning in their combined grave.

 

DM: And even though the book's not done yet, I've already made cardboard stand-ups of me advertising the autobiography. I even brought one to show you. [pulls out life-size cardboard likeness of himself] see?

 

SN: Wow. It's like you're twins. Except he's missing his left arm.

 

DM: Yeah, it got cut off from the photo i used. But still, pretty sweet, eh? I even have a word bubble on it--I'm saying, "Daves. You gotta love 'em!". It's to appeal not only to me, but every other David out there.

 

SN: Nice touch, but are you aware of that typo in the word bubble?

 

DM: Huh? what typo? [reads the message carefully. It actually reads, "Slaves. You gotta love 'em!"]

 

SN: Well, at least you like slaves.

 

DM: [pause] oh, no...

 

SN: Well, that's all time we have for now. Good luck on your book, David. Sneakiest Ninja (dot) com is out.