Sneakiest Ninja (dot) com: Hey there, fellow Ninjas and Kunoichis. Today we have the special treat of an interview with Mr. Armageddon himself, Brian Song. Hey there, Brian.

 

Brian Song: Greetings.

 

SN: First and foremost, who would win in a fight--Spartacus or Flavor Flav?

 

BS: [pause] Flavor Flav.

 

SN: Excellent. Moving right along, tell us a little bit about yourself.

 

BS: I keep my friends close, but my enemies closer. If you so much as look at me disrespectfully, I will rip off your legs and beat everyone you've ever met to death.

 

SN: I'll be sure to remember that.

 

BS: Speak ill of me, your life is over. Speak ill of my family, yours will disappear. Speak ill of Korea, and you'll spend the rest of your life eating rotten pinapples through a sharp funnel. I mean this with utmost sincerity. Treat me well, and you will be blessed with my indifference toward you.

 

SN: Lemon square? [offers one]

 

BS: Please. [takes one]

 

SN: What about Samo? He's always trying to help out.

 

BS: He does nothing but embarass our mother country! He thinks that the more money you possess, the better person you are--!

 

SN: How ironic that he has none.

 

BS: Nothing he does or ever will do shall bring honor to his name. He would eat your entire wedding cake then cry until you knock him unconcious! He will earn none of my respect...

 

SN: So, moving away from the Samo-related rage, tell us a little of your philosophy.

 

BS: You know, experiments have shown that if a frog is placed into a pot of boiling water, he'll immeadiatly jump out to save his life...

 

SN: ...

 

BS: But if a frog is placed in a pot of room temperature water which is heated, He will remain in the pot, slowly boiling to death.

 

SN: I see...

 

BS: That experiment defines who I am.

 

SN: A frog?

 

BS: In general, yes.

 

SN: What about your philosophy towards others?

 

BS:  Another experiment was carried out that displayed an interesting result. A dog was sent to a room for a time, until a bell was rung to summon it. There, the dog would be given a juicy steak, and he would start salivating. Over time, the dog would salivate just by hearing the bell, without a steak actually being there. That is how I treat my enemies.

 

SN: You make them salivate with false promises of steak?

 

BS: To a lesser extent, yes.

 

SN: Okay...anyway, how is your personal life going?

 

BS: Well, in another famous occurance, the American figurehead Benjamin Franklin tied a metal key to kite string during a lightning storm--

 

SN: Okay, okay, enough with the experiments for now. Any projects you working on nowadays?

 

BS: A famous Renniassance scientist was believed to have stood on top of the tower of Pisa, and drop two spheres, one much heavier than the other--

 

SN: All right, I'ma end this interview now. Sorry to cut it short everybody, but hopefully--

 

BS: A group of men believed that by splitting the Uranium-235 atom, a prepetual energy source could be harnessed and--

 

SN: Hopefully, We'll have a better interview with Mr. Song in a little while. So, we'll be seeing you later.

 

BS: Ancient Chinese doctors used the inserting of small needles into certain nerve centers on the body as a souce of relief and curing for the-- [end of recording]