Sneakiest Ninja (dot) com: It's what? June? July? February? Oktoberfest? Well, whatever, it doesn't matter. Today, our Ninja-on-Non-ninja inteview is with Italian sensation, Alex Lidngren.

 

Alex Lindgren: ARRRGGGHHH!!!  [ahem] I mean, it's great to be here.

 

SN: Okay, first off--Is that a jar of cloves you're hiding under you shirt?

 

AL: Why, yes. Yes it is. I see that you, as well as I, have a knack for recognizing herbs and spices from a distsnce and disguise.

 

SN: Actually, I saw you smuggling them from my pantry no more than 30 seconds ago.

 

AL: [eating cloves] Ah, touce'.

 

SN: Second off: If you had to be thrown in jail for a twenty year sentence with either Joey Ramone or Sammy Davis Jr.'s ghost, which would it be?

 

AL: Well, you're not the first to ask me that as I'm eating cloves. To be honest, they help me think. But the answer would definitly be the ghost of Sammy Davis Jr.. I think I would help him write and compose songs, maybe even tell his ghost-messages to loved ones which he'd be too afraid of scaring if he tried to talk with them himself.

 

SN: Go on...

 

AL: Anyway, after I gain his trust, and granted he gains mine, he could run all sorts of ghost-errands for me. Being in jail, I'd be prevented from such activities as grocery shopping, clothes shopping, pet shopping, et cetera. Also, the ghost of Sammy Davis Jr. would gain me respect among my fellow inmates.

 

SN: What about the guards? Won't they be suspicious of all the food and clothes and pets that you are mysteriously aquiring?

 

AL: Not at all. S.D.J.'s ghost, I assume, still has the unmatchable charisma of that finest member of the rat pack, second maybe to Dean Martin. One quick non-threatening serenade and I've won the guards and jail staff over. Might even convince them to drop the charges, what ever those may be.

 

SN: You've obvioulsy given some thought to this, so I'll dissappoint you and move on. How is your relationship with the females?

 

AL: Well, as you can see by this chart--[holds up chart with circle in the middle]--it's going strong. This circle represents my confidence and cohesion.

 

SN: Ah, graphics. You make it so much easier for us.

 

AL: Now, if i were this--[holds up a chart with a triangle on it]--I'd be really rollin' on twenties. Right now, im striving for the "triangle", or "Mudeiov prism" style with the ladies. This is me as of ten minutes ago, when i made this chart--[holds up chart with a distorted circle/triangle hybrid]--as you can see, im almost there.

 

SN: You're the Geometric Ladies' Man, arent you?

 

AL: I was, until Disney Pixar studios copywright that title. Now i like to think of myslef as "The Little Alex That Could".

 

SN: Your determination and persistence even in the face of future-crushing felonies and weekend-crushing misdemeanors has inspired others to follow in your sense of self-confident strutting.

 

AL: That's a total lie, isn't it?

 

SN: Yes, it is.

 

AL: Well, it was--SMAAAAASHHHHH!!!--[ahem] oh, I'm sorry...It just comes out time to time. Well, it was a pleasure to be here.

 

SN: The pleasure was all yours. Now, leave the premesis before I'm forced to take those cloves back.

 

AL: It's too late, I've eaten them all.

 

SN: The joke's on you. You'll be feeling rather under the weather in about 3 minutes tanks to those cloves.

 

AL: If you'll excuse me, i think I'd better get to a hospital, then.

 

SN: Untill next time, this is Sneakiest Ninja (dot) com, signing off.